I’m very confused.
People have assigned a date range for the Millenial Generation, but I’m still very confused.
Like why is Ellen bringing children on her show and giving them a “what a millennial eye roll” when they don’t know what a boom box is?
I HAD A BOOM BOX!
I asked for a boom box!
And I used to listen to Coolio’s edited Gangsta’s Paradise CD on it after my dad listened to it first, of course. And I had a Spice Girls CD. And a Joe Diffie CD and the Soundtrack to Sister Act 2.
Because I was well-rounded. Or maybe a sociopath.
I just don’t get how I’m in the same category as someone who thinks that a “three way” is a sex act when it really means your brave friend calls the boy you like and you can listen from your own phone in your own house!
Also, no. He doesn’t like you. You wear too much green mascara.
And if I’m a millennial how is my fashion already back in style. I’m a newly 35 year old. Bell bottoms came back in in the late 90s or early 2000s. I don’t know, I think I’ve demonstrated my lack of coolness and fashion style enough that we can assume there’s a window here. But that’s almost thirty years in between!
Scrunchies, weird necklaces that feel like spider webs are choking you, high socks with giant shirts, and very small rolled blue jeans shorts: what are you even doing here?
We’ll see you in 2030! Maybe 2025, in trendy places like New York and London and a Chili’s in Austin.
I had a student ask me once if a DVD I had was a Blu-ray. Blu-ray’s were popular for just long enough to have DVD player add on a Blue-ray player slot before people started streaming everything. Blu-ray never got to be it’s own thing. I think 35YOs are the Blue-rays of the Millennials. We’re the weird confusing overlap that they just stuck in a slot.
I’m voting 30YOs and up form our own sub generation. We can call our selves the Zillinneals. We like grocery delivery and making plans at least a week in advance so we can plan our sleep, accordingly.
Our mix tapes were burned CDs, and we visited chat rooms before they were overrun with weird sex predators. We weren’t allowed to ride with strangers, but we take our kids in Ubers. Our cell phones in high school were actually only for emergencies.
The world has begun to change too fast for these large spans of time to house a single generation of common experiences. We need a smaller window. Like 10 years instead of 20. Millennials are supposedly 82-2002. I’m 35YO what in the world do I have in common with the 18YOs of today?!?! It’s obviously not taking great selfies, ok?
I’m going to go ahead and table this issue for now. I’ll push a little harder when Kanye chooses me for his running mate in 2024.
Now, if you’ll excuse me I’m off to juice a grapefruit with a rotary phone.
Because I’m such a millennial.
Liza Dora is an author, illustrator, teacher, mother, wife, blogger, and the owner of the eponymous Liza Dora Books. Her writing has been in publications around the world and her books have been featured in both media and print. She’s sold books in over ten different countries and her titles have been both Amazon Hot New Releases and Amazon Bestsellers in their respective categories. You can Shop Liza's Books on Amazon (affiliate) or at LizaDoraBooks.com. Find designs, curriculum, and more from Liza at LizaDoraDesign.com. Or get Liza's help in building your own online blog or business at ADORAHOUSE MEDIA.