“Old” Friends

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I was a head coach at 22 and I loved it. The kids were funny, sweet, and caught up in that weird in-between space that happens in high school — being a kid and an almost grown-up at the same time. They were amazing. And a constant reminder of how much I thought I knew […]

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Lubbock

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Coaches rent. The big-timers buy, but the younger coaches, the newer coaches — rent. You rent because each job is temporary. You rent because it’s what you can afford. You rent because you leave. We moved to Lubbock when my daughter was three months old. She caught her first cold in Lubbock. She took her […]

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Good Boy

I could’ve lied to her. This is her first big death. We’ve killed our share of plants and fishes, but this guy was here when she got here. He let her crawl over his back and tolerated her slappy toddler pets. I’m convinced he was the first to know I was pregnant. He would press […]

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Only Child

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She’s seen me sick so often. And so often, with me, pregnant looks so sick. She brings her Kindle and her headphones into bed, because she knows I sleep lightly. She tucks herself in next to me and I let her, even though I’m burning up. “Are you asleep yet, Momma?” she asks. Her whisper […]

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Trunk Or Treat

Raise your hand if you don’t really know what Trunk-or-Treat is. <— That’s me on 10/30/18. I mean I sort of knew the concept—the world is scary, now, so let’s teach children to approach strangers’ cars and take candy from their trunks—but, I had not experienced such a thing. So fast forward to this year […]

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Safety First

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I don’t really talk about my anxiety much in this space, mostly because I prefer to treat it homeopathically by shopping for survival equipment on Amazon. When I was still in nursing school we got a call early in the morning before rounds that said they were pretty sure that the patient from our hospital that […]

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Heavens to Betsy

I wrote a blog post over a year ago about trying to come to grips with being a family of three. It was an emotional post and, as always, the comments from friends were supportive and kind, but one response in particular stuck out. A friend of my parents said that after her first son […]

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“You Look Beautiful, Mom.”

“You look beautiful, Mom,” she says from the doorway. But I don’t. I’m still 30 pounds overweight and my hair is a mess. My jeans don’t fit and my skin is breaking out. I have eye make-up on–possibly from weeks ago. She’s wandered to the bathroom as I’ve just finished washing my face. She places […]

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I Carried Him

He’s crying again. I throw off the covers and reach for the sweater at the end of my bed. I pull on my socks and some sweat pants. He’s still crying when I reach his door and push it gently open. His back is arched and he’s in a panic. He must be, to wake […]

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It’s Back

A local reoccurrence they call it. Same cancer. Same spot. I knew 4 years ago, even after the first doctor and the first surgery, there was a chance. A 30-50% chance, actually. Ocular Melanoma of the Conjunctiva is a rare cancer. It’s a shitty cancer. But it’s a pretty visible cancer. And it’s back. A […]

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Sweet Girl

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“She’s not tough enough for school,” my husband says over dinner. I know and I’m scared too, but at least one of us is supposed to know what we’re doing, so I parrot the conventional wisdom of the status quo to quiet his fears. “She’ll toughen up.” “She’ll figure it out.” I was too nice […]

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7 Third Trimester Truths

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1.You will basically lick sugar off the floor. A friend asked me if I wanted a cupcake tower or a cake at my shower. What I really want is to mainline some liquified Sour Patch Kids and then chase it with a line of Pixie Stix. In hindsight, I should’ve gone with cupcake tower so […]

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Parents of Teenagers: Thank You

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I spend a lot of time with teenagers. I attempt to teach them Chemistry at a time when it is wrecking their bodies and scrambling their emotions. I’ve seen them cry over the end of their first “real” relationships. I’ve witnessed their disappointments at being left behind by a peer group or at not being […]

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Lost Boy

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When he was three, he ate raw hamburger meat for the first time. He was left alone and that’s all there was in the fridge. When he was five, the house he was staying in was broken into and he saw a female family member beaten so badly he thought she’d died. The first time […]

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