“You look beautiful, Mom,” she says from the doorway. But I don’t. I’m still 30 pounds overweight and my hair is a mess. My jeans don’t fit and my skin is breaking out. I have eye make-up on–possibly from weeks ago. She’s wandered to the bathroom as I’ve just finished washing my face. She places […]
He’s crying again. I throw off the covers and reach for the sweater at the end of my bed. I pull on my socks and some sweat pants. He’s still crying when I reach his door and push it gently open. His back is arched and he’s in a panic. He must be, to wake […]
A local reoccurrence they call it. Same cancer. Same spot. I knew 4 years ago, even after the first doctor and the first surgery, there was a chance. A 30-50% chance, actually. Ocular Melanoma of the Conjunctiva is a rare cancer. It’s a shitty cancer. But it’s a pretty visible cancer. And it’s back. A […]
“She’s not tough enough for school,” my husband says over dinner. I know and I’m scared too, but at least one of us is supposed to know what we’re doing, so I parrot the conventional wisdom of the status quo to quiet his fears. “She’ll toughen up.” “She’ll figure it out.” I was too nice […]
1.You will basically lick sugar off the floor. A friend asked me if I wanted a cupcake tower or a cake at my shower. What I really want is to mainline some liquified Sour Patch Kids and then chase it with a line of Pixie Stix. In hindsight, I should’ve gone with cupcake tower so […]
I spend a lot of time with teenagers. I attempt to teach them Chemistry at a time when it is wrecking their bodies and scrambling their emotions. I’ve seen them cry over the end of their first “real” relationships. I’ve witnessed their disappointments at being left behind by a peer group or at not being […]
When he was three, he ate raw hamburger meat for the first time. He was left alone and that’s all there was in the fridge. When he was five, the house he was staying in was broken into and he saw a female family member beaten so badly he thought she’d died. The first time […]
Though I am on a summer blog hiatus I have something I needed to share that I could not put to the side until August. I’ve been “hit on” twice this week. This is noteworthy for two main reasons. The first being I never really leave my house and the second is that I tend […]
I’ve written this piece before. In my head, after she’s fallen asleep. In the car, on the way to work. In the hours of the morning I still have to myself. I didn’t deserve her today. Not the smile she gave me when I walked through the door. Not the tiny arms that ensnared my […]
I don’t really write poems. I don’t really like poems. But I like her, and today she said, “Mom, I don’t like it when you tell me you’re busy.” So, I put down my work and I picked her up. There’s only so long that they are little. Only so much ‘little time’.
She looked forward to the birthday party all week. When her nanny asked what she would do at the party she shrugged and said “probably read some books”. She counted down the days, but when we arrived she wouldn’t leave my side. She ventured out to greet the birthday girl, but shied away from the […]
I don’t know how many times I’ve snapped it at her, when she’s tired, but wriggling. Or how many exasperated sighs there have been while moving her back across to her Daddy’s side of the bed. Fridays are for slumber parties at our house. She puts on her jammies and climbs under the covers with […]
It’s getting late and she’s fading, so he carries her around the dance floor. It’s been past her bedtime and like most three-year-olds she’s oscillating between euphoria and utter despair. I want to tell her how special this moment is to her father. That years from now when they dance, she’ll be able to look […]
I know you’re in there, I can feel you. I am trying to be well for you. I’m afraid and I’m wagering a sense of safety against the desire to look into your eyes. I cannot shake the feeling that you will still somehow complete our already perfect little family. I imagine you’ll look like […]
I woke up next to her this morning. I let her sleep with me the nights her daddy is gone. Her eyes are closed and her chest rises and falls with each soft breath. She awakes each morning with a halo of curls. The fuzzy soft waves blur the lines of her face against the […]
