30 is the New F^%$ Y&@


We live in a culture that values youth so much it’s disturbing. 40 is the new 20. 55 is the new 35. What’s so wrong with forty? With fifty-five? And I love the quality programming that is the Real Housewives franchises, but why the hell is everyone wearing a bikini?! I understand the vanity involved […]

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10 Obvious Pieces of Unsolicited Parenting Advice

Parenting Advice

You’ll wish you’d thought of it (except you DID)… 1. Don’t let the baby touch that cactus. You know I was thinking that, but she’s so damn persuasive. Thanks to you, concerned citizen, for commenting and strengthening my resolve. (Context: Sitting in a restaurant with a 1 month old Lena asleep in her carrier.) 2. […]

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Slutty Isn’t Funny


I’m not a fan of vulgar. I love a well-placed curse word, but I don’t really do fart jokes (I cringe even writing that). I’ll give a polite smile. Maybe fake a laugh, because I also hate awkward social situations – but not a fan. I have no issue with the bodily functions themselves. I […]

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It’s (Not) a Boy!


It was a Tuesday afternoon. My husband and I were at the grocery store, our three month-old daughter snuggled in her carrier amongst two of gallons of milk and six different types of cheese. (I like dairy. A lot.) A guy came up to my husband and wanted to shake his hand. This happens fairly […]

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Not So Hot Yoga

Uninterested dog

I am in the midst of a crisis of faith. When you are in crisis it’s common to feel the need to blame someone. Some people blame family. Some people blame circumstances. Some people blame themselves. I blame Groupon. If you are unfamiliar with Groupon, it is a cleverly run coupon site designed to separate […]

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Let’s Go Band

Let's Go Band

My everyday jewelry is pretty modest. My wedding ring, my Aggie ring and a pair of diamond studs. I’d been going to nursing school before this whole cancer vacation kicked in and they discourage jewelry. Suffice it to say, I rarely delve into my jewelry box, but deep down in the bowels of that hand […]

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I’m still waiting on a surgical appointment. They didn’t get a negative margin on the mass. That means another surgery. A sequel. I’m calling it “Return to the Eye”. Or “Total Eyeball”. Or “Eye Know What You Did Last Surgery”.* Since I have to have another surgery my medical appointment was rescheduled. So I haven’t […]

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The Super Bowl

Ocular Melanoma

Part 1 I don’t know who won the Super Bowl. I want to make that one word but I know it will give Jolie tiny broken capillaries in her brain from stress when she reads this–so I won’t. Remember this later when you all think I’m an asshole. We were waiting in line at the […]

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So You’ve Failed as a Mother and are Having a C-Section

birth photo

Congratulations! Obviously, you are here because as a mother you have failed. Or maybe you haven’t failed yet and are getting ready to fail in the next couple of weeks. How exciting?! Yes, I know this is unfortunate. I’m sure you have researched every single safety device, become infant CPR certified and babyproofed everything in […]

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It was 2007 and I was coaching in a small town in South Texas. My apartment cost $500 a month and has wall-to-wall shag carpet and wood panelling. Across the way, someone was raising goats. A bit further down, chickens. It was very rural and very sweet. There were only 8 apartments and they were […]

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