Slow

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You started crawling two days before your first birthday. Your sister was running by then. Holding things. Had I not spent enough time with you? She takes most of my time and you were so content to cling to my chest and watch. You still won’t hold you bottle. You can, but you won’t. Other […]

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Only Child

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She’s seen me sick so often. And so often, with me, pregnant looks so sick. She brings her Kindle and her headphones into bed, because she knows I sleep lightly. She tucks herself in next to me and I let her, even though I’m burning up. “Are you asleep yet, Momma?” she asks. Her whisper […]

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Trunk Or Treat

Raise your hand if you don’t really know what Trunk-or-Treat is. <— That’s me on 10/30/18. I mean I sort of knew the concept—the world is scary, now, so let’s teach children to approach strangers’ cars and take candy from their trunks—but, I had not experienced such a thing. So fast forward to this year […]

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Safety First

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I don’t really talk about my anxiety much in this space, mostly because I prefer to treat it homeopathically by shopping for survival equipment on Amazon. When I was still in nursing school we got a call early in the morning before rounds that said they were pretty sure that the patient from our hospital that […]

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Heavens to Betsy

I wrote a blog post over a year ago about trying to come to grips with being a family of three. It was an emotional post and, as always, the comments from friends were supportive and kind, but one response in particular stuck out. A friend of my parents said that after her first son […]

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“You Look Beautiful, Mom.”

“You look beautiful, Mom,” she says from the doorway. But I don’t. I’m still 30 pounds overweight and my hair is a mess. My jeans don’t fit and my skin is breaking out. I have eye make-up on–possibly from weeks ago. She’s wandered to the bathroom as I’ve just finished washing my face. She places […]

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I Carried Him

He’s crying again. I throw off the covers and reach for the sweater at the end of my bed. I pull on my socks and some sweat pants. He’s still crying when I reach his door and push it gently open. His back is arched and he’s in a panic. He must be, to wake […]

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Sweet Girl

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“She’s not tough enough for school,” my husband says over dinner. I know and I’m scared too, but at least one of us is supposed to know what we’re doing, so I parrot the conventional wisdom of the status quo to quiet his fears. “She’ll toughen up.” “She’ll figure it out.” I was too nice […]

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7 Third Trimester Truths

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1.You will basically lick sugar off the floor. A friend asked me if I wanted a cupcake tower or a cake at my shower. What I really want is to mainline some liquified Sour Patch Kids and then chase it with a line of Pixie Stix. In hindsight, I should’ve gone with cupcake tower so […]

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Mother’s Day

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I’ve written this piece before. In my head, after she’s fallen asleep. In the car, on the way to work. In the hours of the morning I still have to myself. I didn’t deserve her today. Not the smile she gave me when I walked through the door. Not the tiny arms that ensnared my […]

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This Time

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I woke up next to her this morning. I let her sleep with me the nights her daddy is gone. Her eyes are closed and her chest rises and falls with each soft breath. She awakes each morning with a halo of curls. The fuzzy soft waves blur the lines of her face against the […]

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Back to School

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I know she cries a lot without me. Please be patient with her. She’s used to being held close. After a week of crying about my diagnosis a year ago, I picked her up and I’m not sure I ever put her back down. How could I? With her ready smile, her dancing eyes, her […]

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Girls Are Magic

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You were watching a cartoon yesterday, some innocuous thing, and a character flicked her wand. Sparks shot from the end and she changed the world around her. I was folding clothes when you asked what it was. “Magic,” I said and you inched closer to the TV. “Girls are magic,” you whispered and I caught my breath. […]

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Inside Voice

Inside-Voice-by-Liza-Dora

I hate loud noises. I sleep with earplugs or I don’t sleep; and when I was teaching I could hear a whisper from a classroom away. If you have had the pleasure of attending a movie with me, then you know I don’t wear earrings because I use my fingers to press my earlobes into […]

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Ghosts

Ghosts Liza Dora

I don’t know what it is about turning thirty but it’s something. Some publication just said the 30’s have now gone from the happiest to the unhappiest decade. It’s hard not to wonder, when you live in a culture that idolizes youth, when do you start losing value? I still think a lot about different […]

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