Heavens to Betsy

Heavens to Betsy by liza dora

I wrote a blog post over a year ago about trying to come to grips with being a family of three. It was an emotional post and, as always, the comments from friends were supportive and kind, but one response in particular stuck out. A friend of my parents said that after her first son […]

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“You Look Beautiful, Mom.”

"You Look Beautiful, Mom." by liza dora

“You look beautiful, Mom,” she says from the doorway. But I don’t. I’m still 30 pounds overweight and my hair is a mess. My jeans don’t fit and my skin is breaking out. I have eye make-up on–possibly from weeks ago. She’s wandered to the bathroom as I’ve just finished washing my face. She places […]

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I Carried Him

I Carried Him by liza dora

He’s crying again. I throw off the covers and reach for the sweater at the end of my bed. I pull on my socks and some sweat pants. He’s still crying when I reach his door and push it gently open. His back is arched and he’s in a panic. He must be, to wake […]

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It’s Back

It's Back by liza dora

A local reoccurrence they call it. Same cancer. Same spot. I knew 4 years ago, even after the first doctor and the first surgery, there was a chance. A 30-50% chance, actually. Ocular Melanoma of the Conjunctiva is a rare cancer. It’s a shitty cancer. But it’s a pretty visible cancer. And it’s back. A […]

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Sweet Girl

sweet-girl-by-liza-dora

“She’s not tough enough for school,” my husband says over dinner. I know and I’m scared too, but at least one of us is supposed to know what we’re doing, so I parrot the conventional wisdom of the status quo to quiet his fears. “She’ll toughen up.” “She’ll figure it out.” I was too nice […]

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Mother’s Day

mothers-day-liza-dora

I’ve written this piece before. In my head, after she’s fallen asleep. In the car, on the way to work. In the hours of the morning I still have to myself. I didn’t deserve her today. Not the smile she gave me when I walked through the door. Not the tiny arms that ensnared my […]

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Small Castles

small-castles-by-liza-dora

She looked forward to the birthday party all week. When her nanny asked what she would do at the party she shrugged and said “probably read some books”. She counted down the days, but when we arrived she wouldn’t leave my side. She ventured out to greet the birthday girl, but shied away from the […]

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To the Baby Waiting…

To the Baby Waiting by Liza Dora

I know you’re in there, I can feel you. I am trying to be well for you. I’m afraid and I’m wagering a sense of safety against the desire to look into your eyes. I cannot shake the feeling that you will still somehow complete our already perfect little family. I imagine you’ll look like […]

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This Time

this-time-by-liza-dora

I woke up next to her this morning. I let her sleep with me the nights her daddy is gone. Her eyes are closed and her chest rises and falls with each soft breath. She awakes each morning with a halo of curls. The fuzzy soft waves blur the lines of her face against the […]

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Saltgrass

Saltgrass-By-Liza-dora

If you’re going to lose your shit, it should be in a Saltgrass Steakhouse. The seats are fake leather and tears just roll right off. The bathroom has lots of paper towels and they are usually located near the bar, where oftentimes there are already people crying anyway. They also have hooks on the door […]

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Dragons

dragons-by-liza-dora

“I don’t want to be scared of the dragon, momma.” She whined and twisted her hand away from mine. I snapped at her. I jerked her arm to keep her still and she began to cry. What I missed, while looking for grain-free dog food, was the giant, inflatable dragon behind me. The one standing […]

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Back to School

back-to-school-by-liza-dora

I know she cries a lot without me. Please be patient with her. She’s used to being held close. After a week of crying about my diagnosis a year ago, I picked her up and I’m not sure I ever put her back down. How could I? With her ready smile, her dancing eyes, her […]

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My Daughter IS My Best Friend

My Daughter IS My best Friend By Liza Dora

“Don’t be friends with your kids.” “Don’t be a friend. Be a parent.” “I’m not your friend, I’m your mom.”   Did you nod? Sure. Me, too. Before I had a kid. Before I spent close to every waking minute willing another human to survive and duct taping cushions to everything in our house. Before […]

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Tell Her

I will liza dora

I put her in her bed early tonight, because I’m tired and potty training is hard. I got in the bath and scrolling through Facebook, I read a post about a little boy whose eyes began to cross and his mothers lost him after a year. Again I thanked God that cancer happened to me […]

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Girls Are Magic

girls-are-magic-liza-dora

You were watching a cartoon yesterday, some innocuous thing, and a character flicked her wand. Sparks shot from the end and she changed the world around her. I was folding clothes when you asked what it was. “Magic,” I said and you inched closer to the TV. “Girls are magic,” you whispered and I caught my breath. […]

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